Knowing the Difference Between Guilt and Shame

While they might seem similar, guilt and shame are two very different emotions. Because the two terms are often used interchangeably, they are different and distinct experiences. To begin a discussion on the differences between shame and guilt, let’s begin by defining both.

Guilt: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
Shame: the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself.

By these definitions, shame reflects how we feel about ourselves and our own actions, whereas guilt reflects an awareness of how our actions affect others. Many of us often feel guilt and shame together, making differentiating between the two emotions difficult. For example, if you say something hurtful to a friend you may feel guilt that you hurt their feelings, while also feeling shame at your own behavior. While both feelings arose in the same situation, the basis for them is different; this distinguishes between shame and guilt.

Five differences between guilt and shame

Shame and guilt are both powerful negative emotions.  Below are five examples of the difference between the two.

1.    Shame means “I am wrong;” guilt means “I did something wrong.” Shame is based on how we feel about ourselves and our own actions, whereas guilt is based in how our actions affect others.
2.    Guilt leads to positive change; shame does not. Because most of us do not enjoy hurting our friends and family, guilt often inspires people to change and act differently in the future. Shame may cause most of us try to avoid or ignore situations.
3.    Shame is internalized; guilt is externalized. Shame often strikes to the core, feeding on our deepest vulnerabilities or insecurities. Guilt, however, often fades over time and when action is taken to correct it.
4.    Guilt is about accountability; shame is about personal pain. Guilt is a useful response that can help us build our interpersonal relationships. Because shame is internalized, it often has the opposite effect, leading to isolation and personal pain.
5.    Shame often underlies other mental health problems; guilt does not. Overwhelming feelings of shame lead to a negative assessment of self; because of this, it can contribute to a host of other mental health problems including depression and substance abuse.

Tolerating guilt and shame

Many people view guilt and shame as negative emotions, but they are a normal part of the human experience. Appropriate guilt and shame are both part of everyday life, but what’s important is being able to tolerate them in maintaining good mental health.